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Jul. 6th, 2025 01:24 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
stardust_rifleOnce, back in my vkei RPF days, I wrote a story where the principal character suffered from a very similar type of gender dysphoria to me. I didn't explicitly say that I was projecting, but I did call it "vent art" in the notes.
I was so shocked at the positive response of pity and outpouring of support for the narrator. I think someone used the phrasing "no one should have to live like this" or something similar. When I got that comment, I locked myself in the bathroom and cried for an hour. It was so alien to me that my experiences were so awful and miserable that someone, upon spending a bit in my head, would feel nothing but pity for me.
I can't write anything in that AU, or even that fandom anymore. I've learned I can't do RPF without it breaking my brain in a lot of ways that are really unpleasant for both me and everyone around me. I've learned that bleeding myself onto the page in the way that I did in that fic is also really really awful for me and my brain. (Sorry, for like the 2 people who are still following me for X Japan RPF. Maybe, I'll release my unfinished drafts!)
But, I'll always have a special place in my heart for that fic, and that moment in time. I think the commentators gave me exactly what I needed to hear.
I was so shocked at the positive response of pity and outpouring of support for the narrator. I think someone used the phrasing "no one should have to live like this" or something similar. When I got that comment, I locked myself in the bathroom and cried for an hour. It was so alien to me that my experiences were so awful and miserable that someone, upon spending a bit in my head, would feel nothing but pity for me.
I can't write anything in that AU, or even that fandom anymore. I've learned I can't do RPF without it breaking my brain in a lot of ways that are really unpleasant for both me and everyone around me. I've learned that bleeding myself onto the page in the way that I did in that fic is also really really awful for me and my brain. (Sorry, for like the 2 people who are still following me for X Japan RPF. Maybe, I'll release my unfinished drafts!)
But, I'll always have a special place in my heart for that fic, and that moment in time. I think the commentators gave me exactly what I needed to hear.
